Introducing.... baby puppy Baxter!!

I have been the proud owner of Baxter the puppy for the past 16 days. It has been an interesting experience to say the least. I feel like I am learning so much from having a puppy. Having a living breathing thing that depends on me daily. It has been a reason to get out of bed in the morning. And I mean a literal reason.. because he whines a lot if I don't get up to take him out to go potty.

Baxter reminds me of how life was meant to be lived. He lives to the full in every moment that he has. Whether he is playing tug of war with a toy I actually bought him or tearing up some sewing material, he loves playing. He loves life and he lives it to the full. It reminds me of John 10:10. We talked about it tonight at Bible Study.. and I think of how I hope that I embody that verse.. that I choose life in everything. And I can say with certainty that Baxter embodies that verse. He truly chooses life in all he does. Perhaps because he doesn't know anything different? Nonetheless, I look up to my dog.

And when I show you pictures, trust me... you will too!

 These pictures were taken the day after I got him. I took him out to the Drill Field for a photo shoot.

Can you say ADORABLE???

I really love this dog so much. He has such a funny personality. I enjoy getting to know him more a little every day.

He has a funny little potbelly. I feed him very well obviously.

He is precious. I think everyone should meet him and I think he thinks the same thing. He really gets upset when people don't stop and pet him when we are on a walk.

Sweet puppy.. who he going to teach me all about living life the way it was meant to be lived. But one moment at a time. 

The Lord has truly given me this time to rest and learn what it means to sacrificially love.. and pour myself into things. Even though this year looks nothing like I thought it would be.. I am so grateful to have it. To learn about this "rest of faith" we are taking about in Bible Study. I want to learn what it means to live life abudantly and also learn about this wonderful rest of the Sabbath.

This is THE day

Today has been very difficult for me in so many ways. I found out last night that a friend from Jackson, who played the piano at my dad's funeral, her son committed suicide last week. And my heart absolutely broke for her. Her son was full of life.. was so interesting.. knew so many things and I found him a joy to be around. My head spun a little after I heard that news and it took me a few more minutes to completely wrap my head around the finality of those words that I'd heard.

You see, I know about death. And I know how fast it happens. How quickly that news can turn a world upside down. Because it did it to mine. And that day? The day when my world was turned upside down.. the one year anniversary of that day is quickly approaching. Which also made hearing this news much harder.

I thought and thought for hours about what I could say that could possibly make her feel better. Then I realized.. even after having been through a tragedy myself.. there really are no words that make it feel better. Sometimes there is laughter through tears.. sometimes there is food or chocolate. Sometimes there are post it notes on your front door.. but words to make it feel better. There really are none of those.

And as I pondered this all day, I felt very sad. Very sad that Andrew was no longer here. Very sad that death again had won (for the time being). And just very sad in general.

Until tonight at Bible Study at church. We sang "This is the Day". Many, many times (maybe 4?). By the third time, I realized that this day.. this one that you and I lived today.. it truly was created by the Lord. It was created by Him for us to rejoice and be glad. Maybe tomorrow won't be here. And yesterday is over. But this day today was created especially by Him for us to rejoice. And that rejoicing thing? Is real hard sometimes.
There are days where sadness and darkness seem to loom over ... and there are others where it seems the happiness can never be stamped out. Both of those days were created by God.. for us to rejoice and be glad.

Don't worry. I'm going to have to remind myself of this tomorrow when work is crazy with lots of people.. when I'm driving to get to Jackson.. when I'm exhausted Tuesday morning for work.. I will have to remind myself of that quiet truth that the Lord has laid upon my heart today.

This is the day
That the Lord has made
I will rejoice
And be glad in it.

will you rejoice with me?

I have been a runner since I was 12. Maybe even 11? All I know is I discovered I was fairly swift and I ran with it (... ha. ha. ha.). I enjoyed running cross country all the way through high school and beginning to run longer races in college including 4 half marathons and 1 full marathon. I equate so many things to running or use running to help me figure it out.

In our words and phrases running means so many things. We talk about running away from things, Hebrews talks about our faith as running a race.. we talk about running to the top of the ladder as a phrase to mean being the very best.

I often wonder how I would describe myself if something happened and I was no longer physically able to run. It has always been such an important part of who I am. I even got a dog who can run with me once he gets big enough.

I heard this song though... and it spoke into deep parts of my heart. About what I am really here to do. And what should truly define me. The song talks about how quickly our lives pass us by and only then do we realize the truly important things.
It has a beautiful line about taking in all the colors before they fade to grey. I want to do that. I love this colorful world that I love in.. that I can enjoy a beautiful afternoon with bright blue skies and magnificent green grass. That the sunset contains hues of red, pink, orange, blue, purples... it is such a glorious sight.

Running.. is important to me and thats okay. I can still be a runner. I just have to acknowledge that the important thing in this life. It's how I love. It's how I treat others around me. It's how I help. It's not how far I get.. it's not whether I become a doctor.. it's if I use these breaths the Lord has given me exactly how He ordained them to be used.


When it's all said and done
No one remembers
How far we have run
The only thing that matters
Is how we have loved

and that? I'm still working on it.

Feeling like Singing

I have had some truly exciting, blessed moments in my life in the past 11 months. For the most part though, I didn't always feel like singing. Crying out to the Father? Moan and groan? Simply cry? All those things I felt like doing. But singing joyfully... didn't always come first. Or even second or third

However, recently.. I feel like singing. ALL the time. My roommate will ask me what I'm humming in the shower. Or my co-workers ask me what I'm saying to them when I was really just singing to myself (!!). It is written somewhere in the psalms that even though sadness in here for the night, joy comes in the morning. Perhaps they didn't mean literally the next day morning?

For me, I think morning has come. Tomorrow I am doing something I've wanted to do since December 9, 2009 (when I didn't get into medical school) : get a puppy!! I am beyond excited. I have researched breeds, looked for puppies for MONTHSS ( i mean, seriously.. months.. i tell you), read books about how to train them, what to buy them, what kind I should get... and finally the day has come! I am going to the Tupelo animal shelter in the morning and picking out my sweet puppy.

I realized tonight at home that tomorrow my world will change. And I pondered that. Am I ready for this change? For all that it entails? Am I responsible enough? Sacrificial enough of my time to care for another life? heckk.. I can't keep plants alive. And I realized these are the same questions people ask before doing anything that involves someone else: before they have babies, or get married.. both amazingly great things in their own time.

And I came to the conclusion that yes, tomorrow my world WILL change. But all change is not bad. No matter what I've known in the past about change (and I generally hate it).. not all change is bad.

Change can be good. And this change.. this big decision.. I am making for myself. No one is making it for me.

So, yes, I do feel like singing. Just like this song has been echoing in my head all day..

Unexpected mercy

Is the greatest thing to find
When you’ve been broken many times
My soul found joy
And for the first time in a while
I felt singing


And all I can say is Amen... to Him be the glory...

Being Content

In my last post, I touched on feeling convicted about being content in this life that I am leading these days.

It happened two Sundays ago. The scripture was from Hebrews 13. The verse that stuck out to me was verse 5
"Don't be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have." (The Message).

This life that I'm leading in the here and now is one I have wished for... for months. I dreamed of the day when I would have a full-time job, was able to pay my bills. I dreamed of living with girls I would grow to adore and love spending time with. I dreamed of staying in touch with friends, both near and far. I dreamed of a time when my time was not pulled in 15 directions.. when I was finally able to focus on me and what I wanted to do.

I have a job.. a steady paycheck.. an apt and roommates only the Lord could have blessed me with. I have a boyfriend who believes in me, supports me and is one of my best friends. All these things.. at one time were simply dreams. Now they are a reality. MY reality. Now that I have them, am I really trying to rush this season in my life? That is not very fair of me. Nor very gracious. I need to learn to be content with what the Lord has put in my life in the here and now.

I need to learn to embrace my work and my free nights. Nights to prepare for small group, engage in friendships, read books, rest my body. I have opportunities right now that I wouldn't have if I was in medical school. Opportunities I am excited about: being able to go places on the weekends, be involved in a women's Bible study at church, pour into my Sunday School kid's lives.

I am realizing how extremely blessed I am. In the aftermath of this past year.. my dad dying and not getting into medical school within two months of each other. In the confusion, hurt, overnight maturity that I had to find.. the Lord truly had plans to lead me back to this place. A place where He can lead me beside still waters.. a place where He can restore my soul. And right now? Restoration and still waters sound like Heaven on earth.

I am learning about falling in love with my Jesus all over again. Going through traumatic experiences can bring people closer together if they lean on each other through the circumstances. The last year and a half of my life.. I have let Jesus be that rock and I am learning how to love Him in a way that I couldn't as a 16 year old. Our relationship is deeper and more precious to me than anything on earth.


It's gotta be more like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance

A Starting Place

So many people have started blogs and I really enjoy reading their thoughts. So I decided I would start my own.

I figured this was a good place to start.

This new chapter in my life that really began in May has become more real the past few weeks. I have a "real" job working as a receptionist at Starkville Urology.. live with two sweet, Godly girls in an apt close to MSU.. have an amazing group of friends.. I am learning about this new life the Lord has set before me.
And yet here I am, still longing for more. The Lord really began to convict me about that on Sunday. I have applied to medical school (for the second time) and am truly leaving that all in His hands. In His timing, perhaps that's where I will end up. For right now, He has made it clear that I am to be in Starkville.

Some moments I am thrilled with this life I live. How simplistic it is. I am able to run, work hard during the day, enjoy time with friends and truly rest at night. Other moments I long for the busyness of school, the late night studying, the exhaustion that can come only with staying up late in college, and the routine of my college years. I am truly "growing up", I suppose.

In this time of waiting, I am learning about resting. Which is actually something God started in the first place. He was the one who created a Sabbath to give us an example of what a day of rest looked like. He is the one who would go off and pray by Himself when He needed time alone. And in this time in between for me, I long to learn more about the type of resting that Jesus lived out.

This year (or perhaps longer) between college and medical truly is my time in between. Between the known world of college, books, clubs, being so involved I could barely breathe. In this time, I am learning about.. well, whatever I want to learn about! Whether that is watching season 3 of Gossip Girl allllll night long, playing Words with Friends, running endlessly, obsessing over getting a puppy, learning how to keep a budget, always wearing scrubs (I mean, they are pretty legit), or simply beseeching the Lord about His plan for this season in my life.. I am able to do simply whatever I want. It is a very freeing time right now.

I am learning time-management in a new way. And I'm learning that there is a difference between being still and doing nothing. It has been so refreshing for me to be still, read books, go to sleep early and truly savor every moment of my days. Whether it's a song on the radio, a beautiful full moon or a double rainbow after a smashing rain storm, the Lord is showing up in my life in so many ways. It is truly an honor to witness Him in this way. I think perhaps He was always here and I was too busy to notice? Probably so.

I'm not entirely sure what this blog is going to be.. other than a place where my thoughts flow freely. Much of this post doesn't make sense (even to me). It is ceaseless rambling.. and yet, perhaps that is okay too. I suppose it happens to everyone at one time or another. I'm sure I will continue to ramble. And hopefully I'll have something to say that actually makes sense!



But it's the time in between
That I fall down to my knees
Waiting on what You'll bring
And the things that I can't see
I know my song's incomplete
Still I'll sing in the time in between