I'm sitting here in Madison at my sweet "madison family's" house.. in my new pajamas which are oh so soft (it's a nightgown.. pretty sure I haven't worn a nightgown since I was 5..) .. contemplating the rest of my day. You see, I know exactly what my day holds. I've done this before.. I can pretty much walk through it minute by minute of what it's going to bring.
Today. I interview for medical school. AGAIN. And this time, I'm praying what everything within me that they let me in. Yet as I sit here, perhaps I am just filled with a peace that comes from the Lord or I haven't fully grasped what I am about to encounter. I have run, showered, eaten breakfast and yet am not nervous at all. A little sleepy perhaps.. hence putting the pajamas back on. Nervous? no. Anxious? not yet. I prayed as I ran this morning and I prayed that today I would show the admissions committee the way that God has ordained every step of my life to bring specifically to this place. I prayed that they would see my passion, determination, and yet above that, that they would see my life being laid before the Father the only way that I know how to lay it.
I seek medical school with my whole heart because it is where God has led me.. it is the longing and the passion He has put inside me 11 years ago... half my life I have wanted this... now I just pray that I truly get the opportunity to let His light shine.
Because more than anything, I want to bring Him glory.
And if medical school was part of that glory plan.. well then heck! Bring. It. On.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
His ways are not our ways
I realized tonight as I puzzled over the last years of my life.. I realized that God's plan was never to be without pain. I wondered about situations I had encountered and I pondered if I was outside of the Lord's will for my life because it just hurt so bad sometimes. Yet, in the midst of my wondering, He stopped me and said, "Think of all the times My people have suffered.. Even my own Son had to die a tragic death." And I realized how right He was ( duhh.. He is always right)..
Just because I am going through situations which bring my heart pain, it doesn't mean I am outside of His will for my life. It may mean I am right inside it. It may mean I am walking through fire and being refined before I can get to the other side.
Although I love the life I am living today.. I never intended my life to look like this as a 22 year old. I had a completely different place to be living, and I had expected different people to be in my life. I expected things to turn out completely differently. But just because I am here now, and it hurt to get here... yes, yes it did.. doesn't mean that this is not the Lord's will for me right now. On the contrary.. I have never felt more sure that this is where God wants me.
Living with two precious girls, who have such big plans and adventures for their lives that after this year, we may not even be in the same country anymore! Working here at a place I adore.. yet I dream of the day I'm in the one in the white coat. Training a dog I love and cherish yet I realize that if I were in medical school right now he would not be a part of my life. Learning how to be a supportive girlfriend and seek the Lord in that area of my life, as well.
All those things.. I never saw myself having them. Never saw myself here. Yet, here I am .. and you know what? I love it. As much as I long for medical school and to be a student again, I truly love where I am right now.
And I can just see the Lord smiling and nodding His head. Because He, more than anyone, knows the pain my heart went through to get here. And yet, He knew all along that it was all a part of His plan.
So I continue to believe that. And I remember the stories of Moses and slavery.. running away.. Joseph being abandoned by his family.. David and the highs and lows of his life.. all those people were used in such amazing ways by God. And yet their lives held so much pain. They walked through so much hurt on the path that God led them.
Then I look at Jesus.. heck, everywhere He turned someone hated Him.. was out to get Him or try to prove Him wrong about something. He escaped every chance He got to talk to His Father (probably to maintain His sanity about these crazy people in the world that He was going to save).. and I need to learn from Him.
Yes, this road that the Lord has for me will have pain.. His people generally do. It doesn't mean I am outside of His will.. it may mean I am exactly where I should be. And that? That is all that really matters to me: being exactly where the Lord wants me..
Just because I am going through situations which bring my heart pain, it doesn't mean I am outside of His will for my life. It may mean I am right inside it. It may mean I am walking through fire and being refined before I can get to the other side.
Although I love the life I am living today.. I never intended my life to look like this as a 22 year old. I had a completely different place to be living, and I had expected different people to be in my life. I expected things to turn out completely differently. But just because I am here now, and it hurt to get here... yes, yes it did.. doesn't mean that this is not the Lord's will for me right now. On the contrary.. I have never felt more sure that this is where God wants me.
Living with two precious girls, who have such big plans and adventures for their lives that after this year, we may not even be in the same country anymore! Working here at a place I adore.. yet I dream of the day I'm in the one in the white coat. Training a dog I love and cherish yet I realize that if I were in medical school right now he would not be a part of my life. Learning how to be a supportive girlfriend and seek the Lord in that area of my life, as well.
All those things.. I never saw myself having them. Never saw myself here. Yet, here I am .. and you know what? I love it. As much as I long for medical school and to be a student again, I truly love where I am right now.
And I can just see the Lord smiling and nodding His head. Because He, more than anyone, knows the pain my heart went through to get here. And yet, He knew all along that it was all a part of His plan.
So I continue to believe that. And I remember the stories of Moses and slavery.. running away.. Joseph being abandoned by his family.. David and the highs and lows of his life.. all those people were used in such amazing ways by God. And yet their lives held so much pain. They walked through so much hurt on the path that God led them.
Then I look at Jesus.. heck, everywhere He turned someone hated Him.. was out to get Him or try to prove Him wrong about something. He escaped every chance He got to talk to His Father (probably to maintain His sanity about these crazy people in the world that He was going to save).. and I need to learn from Him.
Yes, this road that the Lord has for me will have pain.. His people generally do. It doesn't mean I am outside of His will.. it may mean I am exactly where I should be. And that? That is all that really matters to me: being exactly where the Lord wants me..
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