I'm trying to take advantage of spare time that I have... to spend it outdoors or reading books or watching TV shows that I missed because I don't have a TV/cable. These are a few pictures I took two weekends ago.. a weekend that two years ago absolutely changed my life. I've healed a lot since then.. and spent some time that weekend "fall cleaning", running, hanging out with baxter and watching aforementioned TV shows .. grey's anatomy.. private practice.. modern family.. just to name a few! I also spent some time just thinking about the time since that terrible fall, Friday afternoon. I appreciate time so much more.. I appreciate my body and all that it does for me. I'm careful about what I put into it.. because I want it to last for a long, long time. I appreciate my dad and who he was.. and it makes me sad that he's not around to see who I am today.
Here are a few pictures I took that weekend.. just of what I did.
Sweet MSU... I've spent lots of time out at that place. I love it so much. It will always be home to me.
This crazyyyyy puppy dog, whom I adore. He is so funny!!
And was really into the north farm.
He wouldn't turn around for a single picture.. he was so excited to be out and about.
He shows me how to live out John 10:10.. abundant and full life.
He is such a happy one.. continually joyful.. with good reason, his life IS pretty cushy!
I love magazines. Magazines and coke are my vices.
And that was my night. ABC online, some sushi, coke from McDonalds (because they give you more drink for less money than Umi does)
The beginning of October is always a little weird... I am reminded of the past two years and what I was doing on those days those years. I'm healing.. truly healing and really listening to the Lord right now about His plans for my life.
This may be a little long .. but I need to talk it out. Recently, I've been convicted about my dreams and desires. Whether they were selfishly from me or whether my heart really was to please the Lord. It's all I've ever wanted to do... simply love Him with my life. Even now in this in between time, I want so badly to do just that.
And I began to wonder if this idea of medical school was planted by Him in my heart... or whether my plain, simple notion of wanting to help others somehow was developed by other, good-meaning folks into a doctor. You see, growing up, I was usually one of the smartest in my class. I just was.. I tried hard and I made good grades. I was ambitious, a little obnoxious, very take-charge and had (have) a classic type-A, take-charge personality. I love the idea of being a doctor.. of curing cancer.. of truly helping. Then slowly, that dream became harder and harder to reach. MCAT's didn't turn out as hoped... rejection letters came in plural form, not singular.. and my dream seemed unattainable. Slowly, my heart began to wonder.. is this truly what God has planned for me? Are these doors closing on their own or is there a Hand slowly closing them?
And then I began to ask myself what I wanted to do.. simple question. But one I don't think about a lot. I am a people pleaser to the nth degree. I have worked my whole life for others to be proud of me.. which consequently makes me proud of myself. I realized: I want to help. I want to talk to patients, spend time with them not just the 5 minutes in rounds or the 10 minutes in the office setting, build relationships, have a family.. spend time with my children and husband.. I want time to pour into a church, take mission trips, sit and play with my kids at night, coach their sports teams.
If October 2, 2009, taught me anything.. it was about time. That we need to use what we have wisely.. our time with how we take care of our bodies and how we react and respond and relate to those around us. I want my time to make Him smile. And perhaps.. that can be accomplished better by being a nurse, than the doctor. Perhaps I'm not settling or limiting myself. Perhaps I'm fulfilling His perfect plan. If He doesn't have it planned where MD will follow my last name, then so be it.
Through these past two years I've learned.. I'd rather stand by His side in a lifetime of rain than away from Him in the sun. Even if my future looks nothing at all like I planned, the fact that He is planning, not me, gives me great comfort.
Will you be praying for me? For the Lord's words and wisdom to work in my life and in my heart? For me to be able to discern what exactly He is calling me to next?
These simple, plain, heartfelt words of Ginny Owens echo in my heart and I pray, in my life.
"all I wanna do is give this life to You
all I wanna do is give this life to You
all I wanna do is give this life to You
and let Your will be done
til it's all I wanna do"
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