Don't we all long for this?

These verses have been echoing in my head for the past week.. isn't this what we are all looking for? A little rest? Someone who knows more than we do and can show us how it's done? That's what I'm looking for these days, anyway. And I have to remember that there is Someone who knows it all. And so wants to show me.. if only I would take the time to listen.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
-Jesus 
Matthew 11:28, The Message 


amen. 

standing for.... ?

these words to this praise song have echoed in my head all week.. and I wonder.. what exactly am I standing for?

"so I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave it all, I'll stand.. my soul, Lord, to You surrendered.. all I am is Yours"

how much of myself am I willing to stand before Him? just the part that is convenient? ... or every part? regardless of the cost?

I pray it's the latter... but I must confess, I think He is still working in my heart to get me there.

Life as of lately.....

so lately, life has been interesting. God has really been teaching me a lot.. and challenging me in new ways. I am learning how to live simply on my own.. with no roommates to entertain me or cook for me! (Dianna and Laura, I am really missing you two these days!!) Baxter and I have routines that work for us and I spend most of my time either at work, school or doing homework.

I'm trying to take advantage of spare time that I have... to spend it outdoors or reading books or watching TV shows that I missed because I don't have a TV/cable. These are a few pictures I took two weekends ago.. a weekend that two years ago absolutely changed my life. I've healed a lot since then.. and spent some time that weekend "fall cleaning", running, hanging out with baxter and watching aforementioned TV shows .. grey's anatomy.. private practice.. modern family.. just to name a few! I also spent some time just thinking about the time since that terrible fall, Friday afternoon. I appreciate time so much more.. I appreciate my body and all that it does for me. I'm careful about what I put into it.. because I want it to last for a long, long time. I appreciate my dad and who he was.. and it makes me sad that he's not around to see who I am today. 

Here are a few pictures I took that weekend.. just of what I did. 

Sweet MSU... I've spent lots of time out at that place. I love it so much. It will always be home to me. 

This crazyyyyy puppy dog, whom I adore. He is so funny!!

And was really into the north farm. 

He wouldn't turn around for a single picture.. he was so excited to be out and about. 

He shows me how to live out John 10:10.. abundant and full life. 

He is such a happy one.. continually joyful.. with good reason, his life IS pretty cushy!

I love magazines. Magazines and coke are my vices. 

And that was my night. ABC online, some sushi, coke from McDonalds (because they give you more drink for less money than Umi does)

The beginning of October is always a little weird... I am reminded of the past two years and what I was doing on those days those years. I'm healing.. truly healing and really listening to the Lord right now about His plans for my life. 

This may be a little long .. but I need to talk it out. Recently, I've been convicted about my dreams and desires. Whether they were selfishly from me or whether my heart really was to please the Lord. It's all I've ever wanted to do... simply love Him with my life. Even now in this in between time, I want so badly to do just that. 

And I began to wonder if this idea of medical school was planted by Him in my heart... or whether my plain, simple notion of wanting to help others somehow was developed by other, good-meaning folks into a doctor. You see, growing up, I was usually one of the smartest in my class. I just was.. I tried hard and I made good grades. I was ambitious, a little obnoxious, very take-charge and had (have) a classic type-A, take-charge personality. I love the idea of being a doctor.. of curing cancer.. of truly helping. Then slowly, that dream became harder and harder to reach. MCAT's didn't turn out as hoped... rejection letters came in plural form, not singular.. and my dream seemed unattainable. Slowly, my heart began to wonder.. is this truly what God has planned for me? Are these doors closing on their own or is there a Hand slowly closing them? 

And then I began to ask myself what I wanted to do.. simple question. But one I don't think about a lot. I am a people pleaser to the nth degree. I have worked my whole life for others to be proud of me.. which consequently makes me proud of myself. I realized: I want to help. I want to talk to patients, spend time with them not just the 5 minutes in rounds or the 10 minutes in the office setting, build relationships, have a family.. spend time with my children and husband.. I want time to pour into a church, take mission trips, sit and play with my kids at night, coach their sports teams. 

If October 2, 2009, taught me anything.. it was about time. That we need to use what we have wisely.. our time with how we take care of our bodies and how we react and respond and relate to those around us. I want my time to make Him smile. And perhaps.. that can be accomplished better by being a nurse, than the doctor. Perhaps I'm not settling or limiting myself. Perhaps I'm fulfilling His perfect plan. If He doesn't have it planned where MD will follow my last name, then so be it. 

Through these past two years I've learned.. I'd rather stand by His side in a lifetime of rain than away from Him in the sun. Even if my future looks nothing at all like I planned, the fact that He is planning, not me, gives me great comfort. 

Will you be praying for me? For the Lord's words and wisdom to work in my life and in my heart? For me to be able to discern what exactly He is calling me to next? 

These simple, plain, heartfelt words of Ginny Owens echo in my heart and I pray, in my life. 

"all I wanna do is give this life to You

all I wanna do is give this life to You

all I wanna do is give this life to You

and let Your will be done

til it's all I wanna do" 

This Saturday night I should be studying anatomy.. because I have a test on Tuesday over 5 chapters of material. And it's probably going to be hard. Instead... I ate dinner with a friend, played on facebook, and stumbleupon. And now I'm blogging. 

Because I haven't blogged in months. I always come up with great things that I should blog about. Case in point: 

1. Trip to Disney World

2. One year anniversary with the boyfriend

3. Taking classes at MSU

4. Work - there are always funny things happening up there

5. Life, in general 

Somehow, blogging gets put on the back burner. Generally to my homework. Because that's due at a certain time. Butttttt, since I'm already procrastinating this studying thing, I may as well blog for a while. 

So, I went to Disney World back in June with Laura Kathryn, Stephen and Cole. SO SO SO much fun. We had such a blast... from the car ride with random music, to seeing my family in Mobile, to riding all the rides we could think of and seeing tons of great fireworks. It was an incredible trip. What a way to celebrate being finished studying for/ taking the MCAT. It was such a blessing of a vacation. 

Cole and I celebrated one year of dating.. that was fun. We both did our favorite things that day. He golfed and I layed out! Then we had a fun dinner date at The Grill.. yummyyyy. He has since gone back to school, worked A TON, been a great Kappa Sig president, and is, at the present time, in Belize on vacation. But no worries, I'm not jealous or anything. Because, you know, I don't really like sun, or beaches, or exploring, or crystal blue water.... but if I liked any of those things, I might be jealous. 

I am taking some classes at MSU this fall. 3 to be exact. Human Anatomy, Sociology and Nutrition. It appears as if God is possibly closing the door to medical school.. I'm not sure yet. Still praying hard about it and listening for His voice. But these classes will give me the ability to apply to Physician Assistant school and Accelerated Nursing School... both which seem very appealing to me right now. 

Work has been very busy lately.. but I so enjoy the girls I work with. I'm pretty sure collectively we all gain about 5 lbs a week.. because we have little self control and love junk food! Just Friday, we went to McDonald's twice... because we are going to win Monopoly and $1,000,000.. y'all just watch out. It's going to be ours. Because even one million dollars split 5 ways is a lot of money! 

Life in general includes me and Baxter... who is getting bigger by the day. He spends two days a week at his friend Cosmo's house for "daycare". And he loves it! He has so much fun over there... he practically bounces up and down when I tell him we are going over there. It's been such a blessing to be able to take him over there on those days, because I stay at work all day (no lunch break) so I can go to class in the afternoon. 

I think that might be all the big stuff... all the catch up stuff anyway. I'm going to post some pictures below from the last couple months.. 

fun at disney! Cole is veryyyy proud of that braid across my forehead. 

What a cute Viking boy. 

Sweet Stephy!! So glad I ran into her.. and got to hang out with her. 

my sweet trio of disney friends... thanks for putting up with me, guys!

he is a disney trooper with me in tow. 

ahhh!! that's cinderella's house! she lives there. she is super cool. 

fun day. 

precious college freshman. all grown up. 

TEACUPS!!!!!

yes, I'm well aware that I look like a five year old. 

he's funny to have around. ... funny looking....

sweet Suzanne.. what a fun toy story ride with you!

my sweet, sweet 7th graders. I can't believe they have graduated from Faith Factory!

hello boyfriend. happy one year. 

fun out at the country club. with the bros. 

Sunday lunch at Grandmother's house. my precious girls. 

Taylor Swift concert!!

Needtobreathe opened for them!!

Look! There's Taylor.. playing the piano.. "back to december"

so.. it's been a pretty eventful couple months. I'll try not to go so long between posts. I think Chelsea and Cole were about to usurp me from blogger and take over for me. Maybe they'll let me hang around now..... 

:) 

-k.