It's really going to be alright...

All day this past Friday and Saturday I almost couldn't belive the difference in my life that a year made. You see, last year on October 8th and 9th, I planned a visitation and funeral. I set up pictures, picked out a black dress, shook so many people's hands and saw family I hadn't seen in years. 

This year, on October 8th and 9th.. I was on my way to Disney world and at Magic Kingdom. Literally the happiest place on Earth. And I realized these scars that I carry around are just that. They are scars. They are no longer gaping wounds.. it's not what I think about the second I wake up every morning. I'm not scared to go to sleep anymore, because it has sunk in that he really won't be here in the morning when I wake up. I carry those thoughts around with me all day long .. yet I don't dwell on them as I used to. I am able to breathe better now. 

Sara Groves's song "It's going to be alright" resonates in my heart... that maybe I'm getting to the day where I will outlive this pain in my heart and I have gained strength from that which tried to tear me apart... maybe I'm reaching the day where my story can be told and it will mirror the strength and courage of my soul. 

I wanted tonight's post to include pictures of Disney and thoughts of that excitedness. Really though.. this is all I can muster. How different my life is right now than last year. 

I'm working full time.. pouring into a job and a puppydog.. learning each day what it means to be a girlfriend.. deep down in my heart still holding onto the dream of medical school.. yet in all this, my dad is no longer here. He doesn't get to hear about my trip to Disney World or meet my puppy. And tonight? That truth tears the scars open a little bit too much for comfort. 

I do know deep in my heart.. the same part of my heart that knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord has an intricate plan for my life... that it truly is going to be alright. I have walked through fire and come out on the other side much stronger than before.

It's going to be alright...
You'll outlive this pain in your life
and you'll gain such a strength
from what is tearing you apart....