Officially an M1.5

I have finished my first semester of medical school!! I feel like it is a huge accomplishment to be able to type those words. This past semester has been many different kinds of difficult. It has been quite different than I originally thought it would be. 

It has been a constant challenge to continually give my dreams back to the Lord. Dreams of "doing well" by my standards in medical school and succeeding the way it seems like all my classmates are. Yet, in the back of my mind knowing that His plans are good and always right. Even when they seem frustrating and so wrong at the time. 
I passed all my classes this semester and learned quite a bit while doing that. We have two more classes that carry over to next semester and then have four more classes that we take next spring. 

Medical school is changing my life... It changes the way I relate to God (in a totally great, new way). It changes the way I relate to other people (I'm a little afraid it's made me wayyy socially awkward!). It changes the way I see the world and all the God has made (I'm in more awe than ever). It makes me depend on the Lord more than I ever have before. And makes me fall more in love with Him than ever. 

This break is much needed and I am enjoying every second of it. Time to read, journal, spend with family and friends. Eat food, read books, watch TV.. I am not taking any of it for granted. People have told me that I would love this Christmas break more than any other in my life and I think they were correct! 

I feel like I need a little time to recharge and regroup myself before heading back into the hustle and bustle of school again. And I like the recharge. I like the opportunity to go to the movies, love on people, run, walk my dog, blog, read books, live life away from the school for a few weeks. 

I am so incredibly thankful for this opportunity to be in medical school but sometimes I have to take a step back and realize that this is not my whole life. It is a big part of it.. but not my whole life. 
And for that I have Jesus to thank. For a little baby who came quietly into the world (relative to how He could have/should have entered) .. into a stable with a teenage mom and older dad who had no idea the extent of what their lives held.. I am so thankful for that night and who that baby grew up to be. King of the world and my Savior. 

Even if the _______ doesn't come

I am in the middle of the craziest three weeks of the semester. I had two tests this past Monday and have 8 more in the next two weeks.. with 6 of them being next week, crammed into 3 days. In the middle of all this chaos, sometimes it seems easiest to let my time with God be pushed to the side. Yet, in the past few weeks, He has drawn me ever closer to Him and made me realize how that is something that can NOT be pushed aside just because school is busy. 

He has been using songs, people and daily circumstances to remind me that unless I am grounded in Him, I will flail everywhere else. And it's almost a daily thing, me giving my dreams back to Him and allowing Him to work through me. Daily I have to remind myself if my grades aren't as high as I want them to be, well at least I studied as hard as I could. Or if I feel I failed at different relationships that day, there is grace to cover that and He is still present there. 

He is challenging me to be diligent with my time. To spend my time driving back and forth to school either in praise to Him or in prayer. 
Seeing life and medical school through His eyes is much more enjoyable than seeing it through mine. Yes, there are a lot of details and I have to learn them all. But guess who created it all? God!! And I think that is so cool. He is such a creative creator! And truly deserves all the praise, honor and glory. 

The Kutless song "Even if the healing doesn't come" has been in my mind and on my heart recently. It speaks of how we must be sure of God's character because when bad things happen and the healing doesn't come as we want it to, we have to be sure of who God truly is. Not who we make Him based on our circumstances. 
He doesn't change. He is the same today, yesterday and tomorrow. And sometimes, things happen that make no sense to us. Or things DON'T happen that we want to happen so badly. 
In those times, I am reminded, He is still God, still good, still faithful and still sovereign. Even when things don't happen the way we want them to. 

Even if the grades don't come
Even if the marriage doesn't work
Even if the job doesn't happen
Even if the relational healing doesn't come
Even if the money doesn't come 

God is not defined by any of those things. He is always the same. Even if those things don't come and even if life falls apart, He is still a good, faithful God. 

That's what He has been teaching me recently. To know that regardless of what happens over the next 15 days (yes we have a countdown!!) before school gets it and regardless of my grades, His plan is still active. And He is still good. And His love for me? 
Well, that can be seen in the baby boy that He sent down to earth to live and then die for me. So that I may know His character. And how it never changes. 

Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come

a heart's longing

"If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next." (Elisabeth Elliot)

I read this quote today on facebook and it immediately struck a chord in my heart. How often do we try and find our true happiness here on Earth? We try to fill and fill our lives and hearts with things that will make us happy here. 

Like good grades or jobs falling into place after graduation. There are so many things that we reach after and spend our lives trying to achieve only to realize they are fading as quickly as the morning fog. 

Lately I've been realizing how much the Lord is teaching me about humility and pouring myself out completely to let Him fill me up. Emptying myself of all preconceived ideas and expectations. Knowing that He is good and Holy and worthy of all honor and praise. And knowing that He loves me with a love that is beyond my comprehension. 

Knowing those two things, reinforces the fact that I trust Him. And reminds me of the bold, yet true statement that I also believe: I would rather stand beside Him in the rain than separated from Him in the sun. 

The Lord is constantly pulling me back to His heart and reminding me that His thoughts and ways are so very different than those on this Earth. It's His heart that I long to know more... not to please those here on Earth. I pray that never changes. 

He is always faithful

I listen to a lot of music.. well, at least on my drives to and from school. Sometimes I get tired of the music I listen to on my ipod and attempt to try the Jackson radio. But usually, I go with what I know and listen to a playlist on my ipod.
A lot of those songs are worship songs and praise songs with some random stuff thrown in there!

This morning I was on my way to school, with Baxter who is going to his friend Cosmo's house to play today! (thanks Anna and Andrew!) I was listening to a Sarah Groves song that talks about His faithfulness. And I recalled all the times in my life when He has been surely that.
Because I am an odd one.. I like to talk to Baxter when he is in the car. I think he likes it too. He always turns his head and tries to figure out what I'm saying. So, while we were in the car this morning I was saying out loud the ways that the Lord has been faithful to me.
I've found that when I say things out loud and hear them, it remind me how true it is. I love to read Scripture out loud for that very reason. I feel like some things were just meant to be said out loud!

It was a joy for me to be reminded of the ways He has always been faithful to me.

This month is affectionately known as "Blacktober" here in the M1 medical school community. We have had 7 tests in 7 days.. 4 on one Monday and then 3 this past Monday. It has been a busy month. Unfortunately, I don't think November gets any better. We have 7 more tests before Thanksgiving break.
Some tests have gone well and some have not. That seems to be the way things work for me. You see... I thought (quite incorrectly) that if med school is where God wanted me to be then I would "do well". And in my mind, I meant do well by my standards. That I would make the grades I wanted and would be a successful, little well adjusted future doctor. That I would be able to say, Oh to God be all the glory for giving me these great test grades.

That hasn't been the case over the past 11 weeks. I know I have walked through some very hard things in my life so I can't say this is the hardest thing I've ever done.. but it is definitely in the top 5. I am realizing that my grades are not a measure of success that I should measure myself by. The Lord is teaching me dependence on Him in an entirely new way. And as hard as it has been, I love Him wholeheartedly. So much so that I would rather stand beside Him through a lifetime of rain than in the sunshine without Him. So much so that even if my grades are just passing after all the work that I've put in, if that's truly where He wants me, I will embrace it.

A friend reminded me last week that I am simply a vessel that the Lord wants to use. I have to empty myself of me and my preconceived ideas of this life. I know that He is good, holy and worthy of praise. Regardless of my day, my mood, my feelings, those things will NEVER change. I know that He will take the gifts He has given me and mold my life into something that will be praising to Him. And sometimes, His plans look very different than mine.
And that's when I remember all the ways He has been faithful. I remember how I didn't have a job, and He found me a job. I remember that I didn't have a place to live and He found one of those too. He led me to sweet friends who are so encouraging, to a puppydog who is precious and full of life, to a boyfriend who makes my heart sing in incredible ways. He truly has been so faithful. And I know that He will continue to be so. And that fact, in and of itself, causes me to continue pouring my life out before Him.

"When all you want in your life is what God wants in your life then all your life you will have all you want."

My friends and I in highschool would say this quote to each other a lot. They are still some of the most encouraging and influential people in my life.

Anddddd just for fun.. some recent pictures!

After our 4-test Monday, I had this guy come and spend some time with me. What a sweet blessing he is in my life. He is encouraging in ways that can come only from the heart of the Father. He loves me with a love that is greater than anything on this earth. It is just another example of how faithful the Lord has been to bring us to each other. I hope that our relationship always brings Him all the glory because I thank Him for it, EVERY DAY!!

Sweet Seattle friend! I have missed Mallory so much. And my relational skills of reaching out has drastically diminished since med school started. I promise I won't be a bad friend forever. We had so much fun at dinner.. able to pick up where we left off and chat and laugh! What a joy she is. (with cuteeeee short hair!) 

This little guy laid his head in my lap the other night when I came home and didn't want to leave. I spend about 14-15 hours a day away my house and away from sweet Baxy. I do my best to be a good dog owner but sometime studying must come first. This sweet guy, though.. he always understands. And is so precious. 

"He's always been faithful" by Sarah Groves

Praise Him for His faithfulness, always. 

I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. --Psalm 146:2

Being Carried

I've been in school now for almost 9 weeks. Well, 10 if you count orientation week. And a lot of them have been really hard. I am making new friends, living in a new place, going to a new church, and depending on God in a new way. It's not like I'm alone in this journey, quite the contrary, actually. However, there are some things that the people around me can't do for me. They can't go to class and learn this material or take the tests. They can support me and hold me up.. but the actual school part and stress part and learning part? That's up to me. And the Lord. But also me.

And this week, I've been reminded of how much He longs to carry us. I think sometimes we are put in situations where we HAVE to depend on Him. Or otherwise realize how inadequate we are by ourselves. And although I have people I can depend on daily, He is truly all I need. He is what is essential for me. And that's how it's supposed to be. If you stripped away everything else, school, the boy, family, friends, comfortable living, He would still be enough for me. And I think when I realize that I hold everything else a little bit more with open, loose hands instead of clutching, tight hands. He is a loving, blessing, good Father. We trust Him as that in Bible stories.. yet somehow it's harder to trust that in our real lives.

He is challenging me with that. The thought that He is truly all that I need. He is essential and everything else, as much as I love it or feel called to it, is not. And that gives me a Heavenly perspective which is sometimes so hard to find in this earthly world.

Below is a quote that I read on Ann Voskamp's blog the other day. It is in the context of Ephesians 6 and Paul's words about the armor of God. I really liked it and remembered how true that really is!

Life’s not hard because you’re doing anything wrong: Life is a battle. Put on your armor.

I'm in medical school?

So I'm in medical school now. But most of the time I have to look around and pinch myself that I am actually here. I waited and tried so long for this... and to be honest, it's not exactly like I thought it would be. It's hard.. yes I knew that would be true. I don't think I completely anticipated just how much material I was expected to learn in such a short amount of time.

I am being stretched in ways I didn't know I could be stretched. I am changing, that is for sure. Hopefully for the better? I know that in 4 years when this is all over, I want to be a changed person who is a better physician because of it.

This has been a hard week. Two tests, three year anniversary of my dad's death, sinus infection/cold, impending tests.. it's just been a tough one. And it's weeks like this I take a step back and look around at what is really important. And you know what? As much as I love medical school and love the idea of being a doctor, it's not the most important thing in my life.
Jesus? Yeah, He is important in my life. Cole? Yeah, that boy has my heart, hands down. My friends and family? Baxter? ha.. yea, he's cute. Those are the most important things to me. And I don't want to lose sight of that during these hard weeks.

I am so incredibly blessed to be here. I look around and realize I have all I have ever prayed for. Medical school, a precious best friend boyfriend, sweet puppydog, family to live with and love on me daily, a nearness to Jesus that could rival anytime in my life. All those things are incredible blessings. And I just need to remind myself sometimes how blessed I am.

Hard weeks will continue to happen. The first week of October will always be on the calendar, however much I dislike it, I don't think it's going away.

"All of my life, in every season You are still God. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship."

sweet boyfriend. he and I wielding dual coke! I feel like we could be in a coca cola ad. 

Alex and Lianne's wedding.

sweet baxter boy. He was officially two years old in this picture. 

my new roommate. she's adorable. 

family. :) 

best best-friend ever. 

my white coat ceremony at the beginning of medical school.

oh man, I love this Savannah-girl. I'm not entirely sure what I would do without her. Probably drop out of medical school. (no, but seriously)

Lately....

This week I have been trying to remember how important it is to spend time in the Word. Not just reading a few verses or praying throughout the day. I do both those things.. and generally feel close to the Lord. But I realized that I haven't been digging into the Word. I haven't been asking him to stretch me or teach me. And I haven't been depending on Him as much as I would like to on a day-to-day basis. This is part of my journal from last night... I wanted to share it.

"And thankfully, I serve a Lord who is full of forgiveness and He welcomes me back with open arms. I just want to constantly fix my thoughts and eyes on Him. Does this make Him smile? Because I want it to. Truly I do. So I'm going to be more diligent with my time, my affection, my thoughts and where my eyes are looking. Hopefully always toward my Jesus."

That's my prayer today. That my eyes would be fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith. (Hebrews 12:1)

this is the Catholic church by my apt. I walked by the other day at lunch while on a walk with Bax and just marveled at how pretty it is. And I was reminded of a quote that I read one time that will come back into my mind when I need it most. 

"the ground at the foot of the cross is level" 

.. we are all on equal footing before the Creator. How precious is He and His great love for us. 

Learning to live in Babylon

This semester since I wasn't in school and "only working", I just assumed I would have hours of free time a day... to read books, blog more, run all the time, walk baxter and help him lose his "puppy weight", and watch tons of tv shows and movies. However, I haven't done very many of those things at all and I'm really not sure why... I have been training for a half marathon. And I walk Baxter almost every day for usually an hour or so. And I do sleep more at night and have been doing a walk-through-the-Bible-in-a-year study (which I am veryyyy behind on).

It has been so nice to have free time, though. I spend lots of time outdoors, especially now that it is so nice outside. I run a great deal... since I am running a half-marathon next weekend in Nashville that I am super pumped about!!

Work has been very time consuming and a bit too dramatic recently. And I'm not really how honest I'm allowed to be, since this is on the internet and all. So, basically, we've had a long-time employee leave recently, very unexpected, and it has thrown us all off our rhythm a little bit. We are slowly regaining our footing and figuring out what works.. it's just taking a bit. But I am leaving in about six weeks. I decided I need a summer before medical school starts in August. So I am taking off June and July and am pretty pumped about it!

My blogging has obviously been slacking and so now I feel very scattered with my thoughts of what to post to catch anyone who may still possibly read this up on life.

I read back through some of my last posts (it didn't take long, as there weren't many of them!) and found this one that still resonated in my soul.

http://katyeherring.blogspot.com/2011/02/learning-to-bloom-where-im-planted.html

I wrote that just a little over a year ago. When I was so incredibly confused about where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be doing there. Now... I am much more content. Some of it is that yes, I have a clue of what the next four years look like. And for this type-A personality girl who likes to have a plan (preferably written in bulleted form in colored ink), it is a nice place to be. A little less like Babylon, perhaps? A bit closer to the way things used to be... before they got so confusing and out of place.
Yet, the other thing is perhaps this IS the way things were supposed to be. These last two years have shaped me in such incredible ways. I am so much closer to the Lord now and in a new, kind of grown up way. I definitely don't related to Him the same way I did in high school and although I miss the relationship we had then, it can't be like that now because I'm different. Hopefully a little more grown up but definitely different.

There are still so many aspects of life that don't make sense. Things that I'm not completely sure about concerning next year and the next (my future). I try not to dwell on it too much. Especially when I look back at all He has brought me through. He has brought me to this Babylon, and encouraged me to live here. To choose life in this place, when some days I long for Home til my heart hurts. And then He blesses me in this Babylonian place.

I was reminded of these lyrics today as I ran and this song played on my iPod.
"As I pour out my heart
These things, I remember
You are faithful, God, forever"

Sometimes I forget. So, I try to remember. I try to remember all "these things" that He has brought me through and all the many ways that He has been faithful. When I sit down and remember those things, it is much easier to trust Him with the continuing unknown. Scary? OhMyGoodness, yes. But then I take a breath, and remember. I remember the last two years. And beyond that... I remember as far back as I can and I see that yes, He is good and yes, He is faithful. Does His plan look like mine? Generally, no. Most of the time, it's not anything I ever would have chosen. But He has. And I trust Him... with everything.

So I keep pouring out my heart and remembering how faithful He is.

fall on your knees

This year, our church created Bethlehem in our gym. It's really neat.. there are shops and smells and authentic food. You walk in and have to pay taxes. There is a breadmaker, a woodcarver, a temple, a school, a potter, an apothecary.. It really is just like a village of Bethlehem.

And with Bethlehem, comes Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus. Somehow I became the one to be Mary.. so I just went with it. Well, even though I begged and pleaded, no one seemed willing to give me their small child to be a real baby Jesus outside the past two nights. Understandable, it was arctic freezing temperatures out there.

So, for the past two nights, I have been the Virgin Mary outside with a Joseph and a baby doll playing Jesus. Don't worry, the baby doll has done a fantastic job. There are also real animals outside (read: for any child younger than 25, a petting zoo). This drastically limits the amount of people who actually want to see Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus. Granted, the kids always get a little disappointed when they realize He is a baby doll and not a real baby. The parents just smile sympathetically and ask if we are warm. Um, it's 27 degrees outside and we are all from Mississippi.. of course we are not warm. But thanks for asking.

Last night, about halfway through our three hour stint outside, a family with two girls comes outside. They beeline it to the animals and pet the donkey (whose name is Caroline) and feed the cow. The older girl makes her way into the stable with her mom close behind her. This sweet girl had some type of physical and mental disability.. it was evident in her gait and her speech. But when her mom asked her if she knew who the baby in my arms was.. y'all, get ready for this...

.. she fell to her knees in front of the manger

Fell to her knees in a reverent form of worship for this baby doll baby Jesus.

Her mom nodded in praise and her daughter pulled her mom down to her knees with her. They stayed like that for a few seconds then the little girl stood up and came over and petted baby Jesus's head. (ha!)

But this is what I will remember from that... when she realized who that baby was, she IMMEDIATELY fell to her knees to worship Him.

How quickly do we rush past the nativity scene because we have seen it so often? Even in the past two nights of having the blessing of being Virgin Mary.. I can only imagine what it truly must have been like for her to hold Jesus as shepherds and Wise Men, alike, came to see and worship the baby. The words "and Mary pondered all those things in her heart" gained a new meaning for me that last two days.

I pray this Christmas season that we pause long enough to fall on our knees in front of the Lord Jesus who is ever worthy of our praise and our very lives.

when I grow up....

I'm going to be a doctor! For real, though, y'all.

I GOT INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!!!

I was accepted to medical school at the University of Mississippi Medical Center last Friday.. November 18, 2011.

It's a funny story, really. I've only wanted to be a doctor for well, the past 12 years of my life.. and this being the third time I had applied to medical school, I was becoming concerned that perhaps this wasn't really the path God desired for my life. He does that sometimes, you know. He changes you and your dreams and desires. I had even applied to nursing school, and taken classes at MSU to make that a possibility.

Then came the invitation to interview for medical school. That came in email form on October 17.. I was excited, yet tried not to dwell upon it because I knew (all too well) that they could say "no" again. So, I prepared as best I could, wore a great suit with rounded toe shoes (Ann claims that made all the difference! Whereas Clay Taylor says it was all in the eyeliner!) and interviewed my little heart out.

On November 17th. That's when I interviewed. For the third time. I didn't feel any different going into it.. only I knew that was the last time. If I hadn't gotten in that time, I wasn't going to apply again. I talked and laughed and expressed my love and passion for humankind (or tried to) and specifically for medicine. I suppose it went well?

I was cautioned that I may not hear back the next day, like usual because they were behind and had been out of town. (they = the admissions committee). So, on Friday when I hadn't heard anything by 12:30, I assumed they must not have discussed me and it was going to be two more weeks before I heard. Hard realization but nothing cheese dip and a coke couldn't fix.. so Raysha and I headed to eat Mexican in Ridgeland.
(correction: we headed to eat fancy, in brick restaurant Mexican.. apparently, there is a difference)


No sooner had we sat down at our table and the waiter appeared (in a tie, no less) to ask us for our drink orders, my email refreshed and one popped up that said "Congratulations" in the subject heading. That, my friends, is the secret code to "you got into medical school.. open me, open me"!! What excitement.. I began an ugly type of cry that probably made people think my dog had died or else I really hated Mexican. I began to incoherently talk to Raysha and hit her on the arm an exceedingly numerous amount of times before she decided I was making a scene and we should probably leave the restaurant. Good call, there.. I needed fresh air and wide open spaces.

Once outdoors, Raysha hugged me and spun me around.. I kept my ugly cry going.. I'm not a pretty crier.. I'm just not.

I was able to call my Mom, Cole, Kim Parker and Dell Taylor before the boyfriend and bffff made the news go global.. which was slightly overwhelming but yet so exciting! I had phone calls coming in from other countries.. literally! Laura Loftin called me from Ecuador.. what a surprise! She walked beside me so many steps in this journey; it was a joy to hear from her and share my excitement with her.
After having a slight breakdown and panic attack (hey, sometimes I get super overwhelmed and happy about good news.. it just happens), I ate some coke and cheese dip (turns out it can be used as celebratory lunch too) and a cupcake. I had so many calls and text messages.. it was incredible. What an outpouring of love and support.

I cannot say it enough times: I am thankful to every single person who has encouraged me, supported me, even just chatted with me about my desire to be a doctor. Thank you for how you all have inspired me to keep going, even when all I wanted to do was give up. I have the best friends and family I could ask for.. and am so incredibly blessed. Please just don't stop loving and supporting me now. Here comes another difficult part: getting through medical school! So keep the encouragement and support coming!

I am incredibly overjoyed to be able to type this blog post.. it's been two years in the making. Which leads me to another sappy story. Two years ago, the best friend EVER, bought me two cards. One was a "I'm so happy you got into medical school" card and one was a "They are dumb and don't know what they're missing out on.. why don't you get a dog now" card. Since I have Baxter and only recently a medical school acceptance, we all know which card I received two years ago... however, that same best friend saved the happy card and gave it to me on Friday. It literally makes me cry as I type that. Because I am overwhelmed by her belief and support in me.. that I would one day get into medical school. To keep that card.. in the midst of moving three times in the past two years, it never got thrown away. That kind of support is what is going to make me an incredible student and push me to become the best doctor I can be.

Here are a few pictures of the fun celebratory night..

fun, exciting faces!!

what a fantastic best friend. thanks for never giving up on me. and never getting rid of that card. :) 

I love these two.. so so much.

that little girl has my heart. 

you are a great friend.. thank you!

Don't we all long for this?

These verses have been echoing in my head for the past week.. isn't this what we are all looking for? A little rest? Someone who knows more than we do and can show us how it's done? That's what I'm looking for these days, anyway. And I have to remember that there is Someone who knows it all. And so wants to show me.. if only I would take the time to listen.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
-Jesus 
Matthew 11:28, The Message 


amen. 

standing for.... ?

these words to this praise song have echoed in my head all week.. and I wonder.. what exactly am I standing for?

"so I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave it all, I'll stand.. my soul, Lord, to You surrendered.. all I am is Yours"

how much of myself am I willing to stand before Him? just the part that is convenient? ... or every part? regardless of the cost?

I pray it's the latter... but I must confess, I think He is still working in my heart to get me there.

Life as of lately.....

so lately, life has been interesting. God has really been teaching me a lot.. and challenging me in new ways. I am learning how to live simply on my own.. with no roommates to entertain me or cook for me! (Dianna and Laura, I am really missing you two these days!!) Baxter and I have routines that work for us and I spend most of my time either at work, school or doing homework.

I'm trying to take advantage of spare time that I have... to spend it outdoors or reading books or watching TV shows that I missed because I don't have a TV/cable. These are a few pictures I took two weekends ago.. a weekend that two years ago absolutely changed my life. I've healed a lot since then.. and spent some time that weekend "fall cleaning", running, hanging out with baxter and watching aforementioned TV shows .. grey's anatomy.. private practice.. modern family.. just to name a few! I also spent some time just thinking about the time since that terrible fall, Friday afternoon. I appreciate time so much more.. I appreciate my body and all that it does for me. I'm careful about what I put into it.. because I want it to last for a long, long time. I appreciate my dad and who he was.. and it makes me sad that he's not around to see who I am today. 

Here are a few pictures I took that weekend.. just of what I did. 

Sweet MSU... I've spent lots of time out at that place. I love it so much. It will always be home to me. 

This crazyyyyy puppy dog, whom I adore. He is so funny!!

And was really into the north farm. 

He wouldn't turn around for a single picture.. he was so excited to be out and about. 

He shows me how to live out John 10:10.. abundant and full life. 

He is such a happy one.. continually joyful.. with good reason, his life IS pretty cushy!

I love magazines. Magazines and coke are my vices. 

And that was my night. ABC online, some sushi, coke from McDonalds (because they give you more drink for less money than Umi does)

The beginning of October is always a little weird... I am reminded of the past two years and what I was doing on those days those years. I'm healing.. truly healing and really listening to the Lord right now about His plans for my life. 

This may be a little long .. but I need to talk it out. Recently, I've been convicted about my dreams and desires. Whether they were selfishly from me or whether my heart really was to please the Lord. It's all I've ever wanted to do... simply love Him with my life. Even now in this in between time, I want so badly to do just that. 

And I began to wonder if this idea of medical school was planted by Him in my heart... or whether my plain, simple notion of wanting to help others somehow was developed by other, good-meaning folks into a doctor. You see, growing up, I was usually one of the smartest in my class. I just was.. I tried hard and I made good grades. I was ambitious, a little obnoxious, very take-charge and had (have) a classic type-A, take-charge personality. I love the idea of being a doctor.. of curing cancer.. of truly helping. Then slowly, that dream became harder and harder to reach. MCAT's didn't turn out as hoped... rejection letters came in plural form, not singular.. and my dream seemed unattainable. Slowly, my heart began to wonder.. is this truly what God has planned for me? Are these doors closing on their own or is there a Hand slowly closing them? 

And then I began to ask myself what I wanted to do.. simple question. But one I don't think about a lot. I am a people pleaser to the nth degree. I have worked my whole life for others to be proud of me.. which consequently makes me proud of myself. I realized: I want to help. I want to talk to patients, spend time with them not just the 5 minutes in rounds or the 10 minutes in the office setting, build relationships, have a family.. spend time with my children and husband.. I want time to pour into a church, take mission trips, sit and play with my kids at night, coach their sports teams. 

If October 2, 2009, taught me anything.. it was about time. That we need to use what we have wisely.. our time with how we take care of our bodies and how we react and respond and relate to those around us. I want my time to make Him smile. And perhaps.. that can be accomplished better by being a nurse, than the doctor. Perhaps I'm not settling or limiting myself. Perhaps I'm fulfilling His perfect plan. If He doesn't have it planned where MD will follow my last name, then so be it. 

Through these past two years I've learned.. I'd rather stand by His side in a lifetime of rain than away from Him in the sun. Even if my future looks nothing at all like I planned, the fact that He is planning, not me, gives me great comfort. 

Will you be praying for me? For the Lord's words and wisdom to work in my life and in my heart? For me to be able to discern what exactly He is calling me to next? 

These simple, plain, heartfelt words of Ginny Owens echo in my heart and I pray, in my life. 

"all I wanna do is give this life to You

all I wanna do is give this life to You

all I wanna do is give this life to You

and let Your will be done

til it's all I wanna do" 

This Saturday night I should be studying anatomy.. because I have a test on Tuesday over 5 chapters of material. And it's probably going to be hard. Instead... I ate dinner with a friend, played on facebook, and stumbleupon. And now I'm blogging. 

Because I haven't blogged in months. I always come up with great things that I should blog about. Case in point: 

1. Trip to Disney World

2. One year anniversary with the boyfriend

3. Taking classes at MSU

4. Work - there are always funny things happening up there

5. Life, in general 

Somehow, blogging gets put on the back burner. Generally to my homework. Because that's due at a certain time. Butttttt, since I'm already procrastinating this studying thing, I may as well blog for a while. 

So, I went to Disney World back in June with Laura Kathryn, Stephen and Cole. SO SO SO much fun. We had such a blast... from the car ride with random music, to seeing my family in Mobile, to riding all the rides we could think of and seeing tons of great fireworks. It was an incredible trip. What a way to celebrate being finished studying for/ taking the MCAT. It was such a blessing of a vacation. 

Cole and I celebrated one year of dating.. that was fun. We both did our favorite things that day. He golfed and I layed out! Then we had a fun dinner date at The Grill.. yummyyyy. He has since gone back to school, worked A TON, been a great Kappa Sig president, and is, at the present time, in Belize on vacation. But no worries, I'm not jealous or anything. Because, you know, I don't really like sun, or beaches, or exploring, or crystal blue water.... but if I liked any of those things, I might be jealous. 

I am taking some classes at MSU this fall. 3 to be exact. Human Anatomy, Sociology and Nutrition. It appears as if God is possibly closing the door to medical school.. I'm not sure yet. Still praying hard about it and listening for His voice. But these classes will give me the ability to apply to Physician Assistant school and Accelerated Nursing School... both which seem very appealing to me right now. 

Work has been very busy lately.. but I so enjoy the girls I work with. I'm pretty sure collectively we all gain about 5 lbs a week.. because we have little self control and love junk food! Just Friday, we went to McDonald's twice... because we are going to win Monopoly and $1,000,000.. y'all just watch out. It's going to be ours. Because even one million dollars split 5 ways is a lot of money! 

Life in general includes me and Baxter... who is getting bigger by the day. He spends two days a week at his friend Cosmo's house for "daycare". And he loves it! He has so much fun over there... he practically bounces up and down when I tell him we are going over there. It's been such a blessing to be able to take him over there on those days, because I stay at work all day (no lunch break) so I can go to class in the afternoon. 

I think that might be all the big stuff... all the catch up stuff anyway. I'm going to post some pictures below from the last couple months.. 

fun at disney! Cole is veryyyy proud of that braid across my forehead. 

What a cute Viking boy. 

Sweet Stephy!! So glad I ran into her.. and got to hang out with her. 

my sweet trio of disney friends... thanks for putting up with me, guys!

he is a disney trooper with me in tow. 

ahhh!! that's cinderella's house! she lives there. she is super cool. 

fun day. 

precious college freshman. all grown up. 

TEACUPS!!!!!

yes, I'm well aware that I look like a five year old. 

he's funny to have around. ... funny looking....

sweet Suzanne.. what a fun toy story ride with you!

my sweet, sweet 7th graders. I can't believe they have graduated from Faith Factory!

hello boyfriend. happy one year. 

fun out at the country club. with the bros. 

Sunday lunch at Grandmother's house. my precious girls. 

Taylor Swift concert!!

Needtobreathe opened for them!!

Look! There's Taylor.. playing the piano.. "back to december"

so.. it's been a pretty eventful couple months. I'll try not to go so long between posts. I think Chelsea and Cole were about to usurp me from blogger and take over for me. Maybe they'll let me hang around now..... 

:) 

-k. 

Long Time, No Blog

It's been quite a while since I have sat down to blog. And it's not for lack of things to share.. my life has been super busy the last month, especially. 


And so, I'm going to try to eventually catch up on blogging. My last blog I wanted to talk about Lent.. I absolutely adore Lent. Perhaps that's because in high school we had a Lent prayer breakfast where our youth group would read a book and meet early early Thursday mornings to talk about what the Lord was teaching us through it. I loved doing that. I enjoyed being in community with others and I really loved the weeks when we had french toast casserole for breakfast. 


With that being said... it has obviously been a while since I was in high school. Lent is quite different now. I remember it as a time to draw closer to the Lord.. this year I gave up coca-cola and spent time every night intentionally praying and journaling. 
And honestly? It was a hard 40 days.. a lot of things happened that made me want a coke so bad. That time each night that I would spend with the Lord though.. I remembered that THAT is what Lent is about... that's what God is about.. He is all about a relationship with us. He so longs to know us on an intimate level.. I know He is God and all and created us. I just think He also wants us to long to know Him.. for us to tell Him about our day and our heart. 
I learned a lot more about that this Lenten season.. 


I have many more things to post about but those will just have to wait for now!

In the real world....

... there is no such thing as spring break. This past week has been one of the most exhausting, tiring, difficult, hard (pretty much insert any hard word into this sentence) one I've had at work thus far. I mean, I've had difficult days.. but never 5 in a row! I was definitely glad when the weekend came around.

My 48 hours of spring break.. as I liked to call the weekend.

I've wanted to post on my blog since maybe Monday night? I even started a post but never had time to finish it because I've been MCAT studying every night this week. I would go to work for about 9 hours.. come home and just lay on my bed out of sheer exhaustion, then get up, eat dinner and study for an hour or two. I even titled my post "MCAT studying sucks".
I just hope all this studying is going to pay off. I guess we'll see.. less than 3 months from now I take it again. I've gone all the way through the General Chemistry lectures and started on Physics lectures about a week ago. And then each day I've been reading a Verbal Reasoning passage. Those last two sentences don't really matter to any of you though do they? Hah. Just a quick recap of the studying... to prove I'm actually doing something!!

I realized it had been a while since I posted pictures so I wanted to do that too. A little over a month ago I had the privilege of staffing The Journey where I worked closely with two girls all weekend and we just bonded. The tripod.. as we called ourselves.

Please excuse the fact that I look terrible. I hadn't showered in a looonngggg time.. something I'm generally not into but during The Journey no one really showers. 

Anyway.. fantastic weekend. I love these precious girls. It really was amazing how close the Lord brought us in a matter of hours and the way that our friendship grew over the weekend. I feel very blessed to know them. 

Another fun thing I've done recently was attend Kappa Sigma Founders Day at Delta State with the ole boyfriend.. who just happens to be Kappa Sig president. We had such a fun time at dinner.. Cole even gave a speech and I was able to meet all his friends, which I really enjoyed. We realized no one had taken our picture that night so we used the self timer and photographed ourselves!! Here are a few shots: 

This is after dinner.. which like I said was very yummy and fun!

This is after we got back from the party.. he said why don't you jump and let's take a picture. And I said okay! :)

And this is a picture of the award that Cole got at dinner.. Let me help you out with the caption:

The Most Wanted man on Campus

In recognition of Cole Andrews

Being voted Mr. DSU

Number One, Second to None

Founders Day 2011

Did I mention my boyfriend is Mr. DSU? I'm superrrr proud! It's okay to be jealous.. I mean, I would understand. He's probably a little embarrassed that all that is now out on the internet for anyone to find. But hey, when you're in the spotlight.. you're in the spotlight.

Something else that has happened recently is I turned 23... yeppp.. the big 2-3. It doesn't really feel any different? I'm not sure that it was supposed to. It was a great birthday though.. full of a little work.. great time with the boyfriend.. time spent outdoors and a fun birthday dinner. The day before my roommates and friends and I had a party at my apt with strawberry cupcakes. It was fun.. even Baxter loved it. But he didn't get a cupcake!

This is the only picture I have from my actual birthday.. Laura Kathryn took pictures at the birthday party but I have yet to see those. 

 I just adore him. :)

I think those are all the big things. I want to blog about Lent a bit.. but that's for another time!