Learning to live in Babylon

This semester since I wasn't in school and "only working", I just assumed I would have hours of free time a day... to read books, blog more, run all the time, walk baxter and help him lose his "puppy weight", and watch tons of tv shows and movies. However, I haven't done very many of those things at all and I'm really not sure why... I have been training for a half marathon. And I walk Baxter almost every day for usually an hour or so. And I do sleep more at night and have been doing a walk-through-the-Bible-in-a-year study (which I am veryyyy behind on).

It has been so nice to have free time, though. I spend lots of time outdoors, especially now that it is so nice outside. I run a great deal... since I am running a half-marathon next weekend in Nashville that I am super pumped about!!

Work has been very time consuming and a bit too dramatic recently. And I'm not really how honest I'm allowed to be, since this is on the internet and all. So, basically, we've had a long-time employee leave recently, very unexpected, and it has thrown us all off our rhythm a little bit. We are slowly regaining our footing and figuring out what works.. it's just taking a bit. But I am leaving in about six weeks. I decided I need a summer before medical school starts in August. So I am taking off June and July and am pretty pumped about it!

My blogging has obviously been slacking and so now I feel very scattered with my thoughts of what to post to catch anyone who may still possibly read this up on life.

I read back through some of my last posts (it didn't take long, as there weren't many of them!) and found this one that still resonated in my soul.

http://katyeherring.blogspot.com/2011/02/learning-to-bloom-where-im-planted.html

I wrote that just a little over a year ago. When I was so incredibly confused about where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be doing there. Now... I am much more content. Some of it is that yes, I have a clue of what the next four years look like. And for this type-A personality girl who likes to have a plan (preferably written in bulleted form in colored ink), it is a nice place to be. A little less like Babylon, perhaps? A bit closer to the way things used to be... before they got so confusing and out of place.
Yet, the other thing is perhaps this IS the way things were supposed to be. These last two years have shaped me in such incredible ways. I am so much closer to the Lord now and in a new, kind of grown up way. I definitely don't related to Him the same way I did in high school and although I miss the relationship we had then, it can't be like that now because I'm different. Hopefully a little more grown up but definitely different.

There are still so many aspects of life that don't make sense. Things that I'm not completely sure about concerning next year and the next (my future). I try not to dwell on it too much. Especially when I look back at all He has brought me through. He has brought me to this Babylon, and encouraged me to live here. To choose life in this place, when some days I long for Home til my heart hurts. And then He blesses me in this Babylonian place.

I was reminded of these lyrics today as I ran and this song played on my iPod.
"As I pour out my heart
These things, I remember
You are faithful, God, forever"

Sometimes I forget. So, I try to remember. I try to remember all "these things" that He has brought me through and all the many ways that He has been faithful. When I sit down and remember those things, it is much easier to trust Him with the continuing unknown. Scary? OhMyGoodness, yes. But then I take a breath, and remember. I remember the last two years. And beyond that... I remember as far back as I can and I see that yes, He is good and yes, He is faithful. Does His plan look like mine? Generally, no. Most of the time, it's not anything I ever would have chosen. But He has. And I trust Him... with everything.

So I keep pouring out my heart and remembering how faithful He is.

fall on your knees

This year, our church created Bethlehem in our gym. It's really neat.. there are shops and smells and authentic food. You walk in and have to pay taxes. There is a breadmaker, a woodcarver, a temple, a school, a potter, an apothecary.. It really is just like a village of Bethlehem.

And with Bethlehem, comes Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus. Somehow I became the one to be Mary.. so I just went with it. Well, even though I begged and pleaded, no one seemed willing to give me their small child to be a real baby Jesus outside the past two nights. Understandable, it was arctic freezing temperatures out there.

So, for the past two nights, I have been the Virgin Mary outside with a Joseph and a baby doll playing Jesus. Don't worry, the baby doll has done a fantastic job. There are also real animals outside (read: for any child younger than 25, a petting zoo). This drastically limits the amount of people who actually want to see Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus. Granted, the kids always get a little disappointed when they realize He is a baby doll and not a real baby. The parents just smile sympathetically and ask if we are warm. Um, it's 27 degrees outside and we are all from Mississippi.. of course we are not warm. But thanks for asking.

Last night, about halfway through our three hour stint outside, a family with two girls comes outside. They beeline it to the animals and pet the donkey (whose name is Caroline) and feed the cow. The older girl makes her way into the stable with her mom close behind her. This sweet girl had some type of physical and mental disability.. it was evident in her gait and her speech. But when her mom asked her if she knew who the baby in my arms was.. y'all, get ready for this...

.. she fell to her knees in front of the manger

Fell to her knees in a reverent form of worship for this baby doll baby Jesus.

Her mom nodded in praise and her daughter pulled her mom down to her knees with her. They stayed like that for a few seconds then the little girl stood up and came over and petted baby Jesus's head. (ha!)

But this is what I will remember from that... when she realized who that baby was, she IMMEDIATELY fell to her knees to worship Him.

How quickly do we rush past the nativity scene because we have seen it so often? Even in the past two nights of having the blessing of being Virgin Mary.. I can only imagine what it truly must have been like for her to hold Jesus as shepherds and Wise Men, alike, came to see and worship the baby. The words "and Mary pondered all those things in her heart" gained a new meaning for me that last two days.

I pray this Christmas season that we pause long enough to fall on our knees in front of the Lord Jesus who is ever worthy of our praise and our very lives.

when I grow up....

I'm going to be a doctor! For real, though, y'all.

I GOT INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!!!

I was accepted to medical school at the University of Mississippi Medical Center last Friday.. November 18, 2011.

It's a funny story, really. I've only wanted to be a doctor for well, the past 12 years of my life.. and this being the third time I had applied to medical school, I was becoming concerned that perhaps this wasn't really the path God desired for my life. He does that sometimes, you know. He changes you and your dreams and desires. I had even applied to nursing school, and taken classes at MSU to make that a possibility.

Then came the invitation to interview for medical school. That came in email form on October 17.. I was excited, yet tried not to dwell upon it because I knew (all too well) that they could say "no" again. So, I prepared as best I could, wore a great suit with rounded toe shoes (Ann claims that made all the difference! Whereas Clay Taylor says it was all in the eyeliner!) and interviewed my little heart out.

On November 17th. That's when I interviewed. For the third time. I didn't feel any different going into it.. only I knew that was the last time. If I hadn't gotten in that time, I wasn't going to apply again. I talked and laughed and expressed my love and passion for humankind (or tried to) and specifically for medicine. I suppose it went well?

I was cautioned that I may not hear back the next day, like usual because they were behind and had been out of town. (they = the admissions committee). So, on Friday when I hadn't heard anything by 12:30, I assumed they must not have discussed me and it was going to be two more weeks before I heard. Hard realization but nothing cheese dip and a coke couldn't fix.. so Raysha and I headed to eat Mexican in Ridgeland.
(correction: we headed to eat fancy, in brick restaurant Mexican.. apparently, there is a difference)


No sooner had we sat down at our table and the waiter appeared (in a tie, no less) to ask us for our drink orders, my email refreshed and one popped up that said "Congratulations" in the subject heading. That, my friends, is the secret code to "you got into medical school.. open me, open me"!! What excitement.. I began an ugly type of cry that probably made people think my dog had died or else I really hated Mexican. I began to incoherently talk to Raysha and hit her on the arm an exceedingly numerous amount of times before she decided I was making a scene and we should probably leave the restaurant. Good call, there.. I needed fresh air and wide open spaces.

Once outdoors, Raysha hugged me and spun me around.. I kept my ugly cry going.. I'm not a pretty crier.. I'm just not.

I was able to call my Mom, Cole, Kim Parker and Dell Taylor before the boyfriend and bffff made the news go global.. which was slightly overwhelming but yet so exciting! I had phone calls coming in from other countries.. literally! Laura Loftin called me from Ecuador.. what a surprise! She walked beside me so many steps in this journey; it was a joy to hear from her and share my excitement with her.
After having a slight breakdown and panic attack (hey, sometimes I get super overwhelmed and happy about good news.. it just happens), I ate some coke and cheese dip (turns out it can be used as celebratory lunch too) and a cupcake. I had so many calls and text messages.. it was incredible. What an outpouring of love and support.

I cannot say it enough times: I am thankful to every single person who has encouraged me, supported me, even just chatted with me about my desire to be a doctor. Thank you for how you all have inspired me to keep going, even when all I wanted to do was give up. I have the best friends and family I could ask for.. and am so incredibly blessed. Please just don't stop loving and supporting me now. Here comes another difficult part: getting through medical school! So keep the encouragement and support coming!

I am incredibly overjoyed to be able to type this blog post.. it's been two years in the making. Which leads me to another sappy story. Two years ago, the best friend EVER, bought me two cards. One was a "I'm so happy you got into medical school" card and one was a "They are dumb and don't know what they're missing out on.. why don't you get a dog now" card. Since I have Baxter and only recently a medical school acceptance, we all know which card I received two years ago... however, that same best friend saved the happy card and gave it to me on Friday. It literally makes me cry as I type that. Because I am overwhelmed by her belief and support in me.. that I would one day get into medical school. To keep that card.. in the midst of moving three times in the past two years, it never got thrown away. That kind of support is what is going to make me an incredible student and push me to become the best doctor I can be.

Here are a few pictures of the fun celebratory night..

fun, exciting faces!!

what a fantastic best friend. thanks for never giving up on me. and never getting rid of that card. :) 

I love these two.. so so much.

that little girl has my heart. 

you are a great friend.. thank you!

Don't we all long for this?

These verses have been echoing in my head for the past week.. isn't this what we are all looking for? A little rest? Someone who knows more than we do and can show us how it's done? That's what I'm looking for these days, anyway. And I have to remember that there is Someone who knows it all. And so wants to show me.. if only I would take the time to listen.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
-Jesus 
Matthew 11:28, The Message 


amen. 

standing for.... ?

these words to this praise song have echoed in my head all week.. and I wonder.. what exactly am I standing for?

"so I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave it all, I'll stand.. my soul, Lord, to You surrendered.. all I am is Yours"

how much of myself am I willing to stand before Him? just the part that is convenient? ... or every part? regardless of the cost?

I pray it's the latter... but I must confess, I think He is still working in my heart to get me there.

Life as of lately.....

so lately, life has been interesting. God has really been teaching me a lot.. and challenging me in new ways. I am learning how to live simply on my own.. with no roommates to entertain me or cook for me! (Dianna and Laura, I am really missing you two these days!!) Baxter and I have routines that work for us and I spend most of my time either at work, school or doing homework.

I'm trying to take advantage of spare time that I have... to spend it outdoors or reading books or watching TV shows that I missed because I don't have a TV/cable. These are a few pictures I took two weekends ago.. a weekend that two years ago absolutely changed my life. I've healed a lot since then.. and spent some time that weekend "fall cleaning", running, hanging out with baxter and watching aforementioned TV shows .. grey's anatomy.. private practice.. modern family.. just to name a few! I also spent some time just thinking about the time since that terrible fall, Friday afternoon. I appreciate time so much more.. I appreciate my body and all that it does for me. I'm careful about what I put into it.. because I want it to last for a long, long time. I appreciate my dad and who he was.. and it makes me sad that he's not around to see who I am today. 

Here are a few pictures I took that weekend.. just of what I did. 

Sweet MSU... I've spent lots of time out at that place. I love it so much. It will always be home to me. 

This crazyyyyy puppy dog, whom I adore. He is so funny!!

And was really into the north farm. 

He wouldn't turn around for a single picture.. he was so excited to be out and about. 

He shows me how to live out John 10:10.. abundant and full life. 

He is such a happy one.. continually joyful.. with good reason, his life IS pretty cushy!

I love magazines. Magazines and coke are my vices. 

And that was my night. ABC online, some sushi, coke from McDonalds (because they give you more drink for less money than Umi does)

The beginning of October is always a little weird... I am reminded of the past two years and what I was doing on those days those years. I'm healing.. truly healing and really listening to the Lord right now about His plans for my life. 

This may be a little long .. but I need to talk it out. Recently, I've been convicted about my dreams and desires. Whether they were selfishly from me or whether my heart really was to please the Lord. It's all I've ever wanted to do... simply love Him with my life. Even now in this in between time, I want so badly to do just that. 

And I began to wonder if this idea of medical school was planted by Him in my heart... or whether my plain, simple notion of wanting to help others somehow was developed by other, good-meaning folks into a doctor. You see, growing up, I was usually one of the smartest in my class. I just was.. I tried hard and I made good grades. I was ambitious, a little obnoxious, very take-charge and had (have) a classic type-A, take-charge personality. I love the idea of being a doctor.. of curing cancer.. of truly helping. Then slowly, that dream became harder and harder to reach. MCAT's didn't turn out as hoped... rejection letters came in plural form, not singular.. and my dream seemed unattainable. Slowly, my heart began to wonder.. is this truly what God has planned for me? Are these doors closing on their own or is there a Hand slowly closing them? 

And then I began to ask myself what I wanted to do.. simple question. But one I don't think about a lot. I am a people pleaser to the nth degree. I have worked my whole life for others to be proud of me.. which consequently makes me proud of myself. I realized: I want to help. I want to talk to patients, spend time with them not just the 5 minutes in rounds or the 10 minutes in the office setting, build relationships, have a family.. spend time with my children and husband.. I want time to pour into a church, take mission trips, sit and play with my kids at night, coach their sports teams. 

If October 2, 2009, taught me anything.. it was about time. That we need to use what we have wisely.. our time with how we take care of our bodies and how we react and respond and relate to those around us. I want my time to make Him smile. And perhaps.. that can be accomplished better by being a nurse, than the doctor. Perhaps I'm not settling or limiting myself. Perhaps I'm fulfilling His perfect plan. If He doesn't have it planned where MD will follow my last name, then so be it. 

Through these past two years I've learned.. I'd rather stand by His side in a lifetime of rain than away from Him in the sun. Even if my future looks nothing at all like I planned, the fact that He is planning, not me, gives me great comfort. 

Will you be praying for me? For the Lord's words and wisdom to work in my life and in my heart? For me to be able to discern what exactly He is calling me to next? 

These simple, plain, heartfelt words of Ginny Owens echo in my heart and I pray, in my life. 

"all I wanna do is give this life to You

all I wanna do is give this life to You

all I wanna do is give this life to You

and let Your will be done

til it's all I wanna do" 

This Saturday night I should be studying anatomy.. because I have a test on Tuesday over 5 chapters of material. And it's probably going to be hard. Instead... I ate dinner with a friend, played on facebook, and stumbleupon. And now I'm blogging. 

Because I haven't blogged in months. I always come up with great things that I should blog about. Case in point: 

1. Trip to Disney World

2. One year anniversary with the boyfriend

3. Taking classes at MSU

4. Work - there are always funny things happening up there

5. Life, in general 

Somehow, blogging gets put on the back burner. Generally to my homework. Because that's due at a certain time. Butttttt, since I'm already procrastinating this studying thing, I may as well blog for a while. 

So, I went to Disney World back in June with Laura Kathryn, Stephen and Cole. SO SO SO much fun. We had such a blast... from the car ride with random music, to seeing my family in Mobile, to riding all the rides we could think of and seeing tons of great fireworks. It was an incredible trip. What a way to celebrate being finished studying for/ taking the MCAT. It was such a blessing of a vacation. 

Cole and I celebrated one year of dating.. that was fun. We both did our favorite things that day. He golfed and I layed out! Then we had a fun dinner date at The Grill.. yummyyyy. He has since gone back to school, worked A TON, been a great Kappa Sig president, and is, at the present time, in Belize on vacation. But no worries, I'm not jealous or anything. Because, you know, I don't really like sun, or beaches, or exploring, or crystal blue water.... but if I liked any of those things, I might be jealous. 

I am taking some classes at MSU this fall. 3 to be exact. Human Anatomy, Sociology and Nutrition. It appears as if God is possibly closing the door to medical school.. I'm not sure yet. Still praying hard about it and listening for His voice. But these classes will give me the ability to apply to Physician Assistant school and Accelerated Nursing School... both which seem very appealing to me right now. 

Work has been very busy lately.. but I so enjoy the girls I work with. I'm pretty sure collectively we all gain about 5 lbs a week.. because we have little self control and love junk food! Just Friday, we went to McDonald's twice... because we are going to win Monopoly and $1,000,000.. y'all just watch out. It's going to be ours. Because even one million dollars split 5 ways is a lot of money! 

Life in general includes me and Baxter... who is getting bigger by the day. He spends two days a week at his friend Cosmo's house for "daycare". And he loves it! He has so much fun over there... he practically bounces up and down when I tell him we are going over there. It's been such a blessing to be able to take him over there on those days, because I stay at work all day (no lunch break) so I can go to class in the afternoon. 

I think that might be all the big stuff... all the catch up stuff anyway. I'm going to post some pictures below from the last couple months.. 

fun at disney! Cole is veryyyy proud of that braid across my forehead. 

What a cute Viking boy. 

Sweet Stephy!! So glad I ran into her.. and got to hang out with her. 

my sweet trio of disney friends... thanks for putting up with me, guys!

he is a disney trooper with me in tow. 

ahhh!! that's cinderella's house! she lives there. she is super cool. 

fun day. 

precious college freshman. all grown up. 

TEACUPS!!!!!

yes, I'm well aware that I look like a five year old. 

he's funny to have around. ... funny looking....

sweet Suzanne.. what a fun toy story ride with you!

my sweet, sweet 7th graders. I can't believe they have graduated from Faith Factory!

hello boyfriend. happy one year. 

fun out at the country club. with the bros. 

Sunday lunch at Grandmother's house. my precious girls. 

Taylor Swift concert!!

Needtobreathe opened for them!!

Look! There's Taylor.. playing the piano.. "back to december"

so.. it's been a pretty eventful couple months. I'll try not to go so long between posts. I think Chelsea and Cole were about to usurp me from blogger and take over for me. Maybe they'll let me hang around now..... 

:) 

-k.